The question that initiated several other inquiries. A question that threw me into a spiral of wandering thoughts and confused dialogues: “Have you considered an ADHD diagnosis?”

The first time I heard about ADHD was when my therapist mentioned it. Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder? What does that even mean? I’m a very attentive person, and I wouldn’t describe myself as ‘hyper.’ I was a straight-A student and never got in trouble for not paying attention in class. How could I possibly have ADHD?

At the age of 10, I realized that I didn’t know what happiness felt like. I remember hearing kids talk about it, juggling the word around and pasting it on every activity they ever did. Yet, I struggled to link anything to the word or the feeling. A smiley face equals happiness, and a frown equals the opposite, right? That’s about it. It’s not like I lived a sheltered life, away from any ‘fun.’ On the contrary, I was a very active and busy kid. From gymnastics practice to football tryouts, piano lessons, and writing competitions, I was always on the go.

When I was in 10th grade, my chemistry teacher boldly told me that I looked ‘sad.’ She associated a feeling with my facial features, which confused me because I was smiling at that moment. She broke one of the first things we learn: smile = happy. Her statement lingered in my mind for a long while. I had never been told that, so I couldn’t comprehend it.

When I discovered the word “depression,” it all made sense to me. It was a temporary relief, a way to calm myself. I thought I had found an explanation. But here’s the thing: ADHD is linked to a harmful stigma, which generalizes the 6.1 million people diagnosed with it.

When I had my first meeting with my doctor to discuss a possible ADHD diagnosis, I had a lot of questions. After our two-hour meeting, I left her office with a sense of relief and anger. Before I get into that, I want to share my own explanation of ADHD. Picture your mind as a white canvas that you fill each day. When you wake up, the canvas is empty, and the moment you take your first step of the day, it gets neatly filled. Well, what I had told my doctor was that I never had a clean canvas. It was always jumbled with words, phrases, to-do lists, and commitments. For the past 10 years, I felt as if there was a mess in my mind, a mess that I couldn’t clean.

ADHD, or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, is often misunderstood. Many people think it only affects children, that it means you’re hyperactive and can’t sit still, or that it only leads to poor academic performance. But ADHD can present in many ways, and it’s not always about hyperactivity. It’s about how the brain processes information and handles focus, organization, and emotional regulation.

As I delved deeper into understanding ADHD, I realized how much it had impacted my life without me even knowing. The constant mental clutter, the difficulty in sustaining attention on tasks, the overwhelming emotions—all of these were signs I had overlooked.

When my doctor finally diagnosed me with ADHD, I felt a mix of relief and frustration. Relief, because I finally had an explanation for my struggles. Frustration, because I had spent years feeling like something was wrong with me, without knowing why.

Living with ADHD means learning to manage a mind that works differently. It means finding strategies that help you cope with the chaos and embrace your unique way of thinking. It means breaking free from the stigma and understanding that ADHD doesn’t define you—it’s just a part of who you are.

If you’ve ever wondered if you might have ADHD, don’t hesitate to seek professional advice. Understanding your mind better can be the first step towards finding peace and clarity. Remember, it’s okay to ask questions and seek help. Your mental health matters.

Anxious Thoughts