I find myself within the confines of a café in Downtown Montreal, the ambient chatter of patrons serves as a backdrop to the storm raging within me.
My phone becomes both a lifeline and a source of unease, each passing minute intensifying the anxiety that courses through my veins. A heaviness clings to my chest, a visceral ache that mirrors the tumultuous emotions swirling within.
The sudden departure of those I held close confounds me.
Why the rush?
We could have dissected this situation yesterday, together. Instead, they stand united, leaving me stranded on the periphery.
A voice whispers that I’ve become dispensable, my importance diminished to a mere afterthought.
Confusion gnaws at me.
What do they want from me?
I’m desperately striving to give my all, to put forth my best effort, yet it feels like I’m navigating an inscrutable maze.
Exhaustion sets in, weary from the perpetual cycle of defending my perspective, explaining my actions. I stand resolute in my belief that I deserve not just respect, but also the warmth of love.
In the guise of caring, they unleash a barrage of criticisms for every minor transgression I’ve committed.
I’m tired.
A question lingers, piercing through my thoughts: Why am I perpetually denied the embrace of care and affection?
Is my company truly that unbearable, a source of misery for those around me? I yearn for relationships where my presence is valued, where they fight to keep me within their circle, nurturing my well-being.
A raw admission of a panic-stricken soul, echoes unheard for what feels like an eternity. They’ve deemed it acceptable to withhold their response, to force me into a state of anxious anticipation.
Their timeline, their prerogative; it’s as if my autonomy crumbles, leaving me at their mercy. The right to vocalize my fears and grievances eludes me, and resentment festers within at the injustices.
Silence envelopes me, a stark reminder of my solitude. No inquiries, no outreach; I am adrift, abandoned by the very notion of genuine concern.
I am the fool who allowed such imbalances to thrive. When will I have the strength to liberate myself from these chains, to grant myself the reverence I deserve?
An overwhelming despair coils around my heart, a sensation I despise. Waiting, the hallmark of my existence, stretches out like a twisted game I never signed up for. Their enjoyment, their camaraderie, paints a stark contrast to my desolation.
Shouldn’t true love demand immediate resolution, a united front against adversity?
Yet here I am, ensnared in a labyrinth of emotions, while they revel in their shared moments.
Anger surges, the bitterness in my thoughts unrestrained. The names I label them with are sharp and acerbic, a cathartic release of frustration. It’s a lamentation against their indifference, a scathing rebuke hurled at those who have left me.
In this tangled web of emotions, I find solace in knowing that change begins with me. The time has come to sever these toxic ties, to center my focus on the one person who deserves it most—myself.
The pain I feel shall serve as a catalyst for growth, propelling me toward a future where my worth is cherished, where love is not a privilege, but a right.
Amidst this chaos, I pledge to rewrite the script of my life, to rise above the pain and embrace a new narrative—one that values my voice, my feelings, and my well-being.
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Welcome
Thank you!
Good stuff.
Anxious Thoughts 
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